Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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