I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no, he came in my armpit
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize