Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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