and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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