I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
