She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
