my phone needs a breathalizer
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
