Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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