Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
