The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
