In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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