Tell her she can't have a vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
