remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
