Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
