I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
