The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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