she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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