I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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