there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
