I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
