your parents love me but you hate me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
