yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
