Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
