But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize