would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
