i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
