Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize