We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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