i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just googled if crying burns calories
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
