My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
