I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
