How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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