I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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