Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im six kinds of drunk right now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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