okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
birth control should be required to get into college
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize