3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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