I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
