they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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