You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
