Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
