What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My balls are so social today.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
