I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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