A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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