I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Your dad touched me again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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