i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
