I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize