True but thats because hes a fetus.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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