hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
