dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
