Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
