You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she smelled like a LAN party
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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