dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize