i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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