I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
