I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
