is your mom at the bar?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
