Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
