My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
