dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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