I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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