he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
