I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
