How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
