she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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