i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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