I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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