yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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