your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
