We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
