We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
