There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
