It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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