dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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